Edward Hyde's Disney Special: Part 2
by Quark Quizmo
Summary: Hyde's back! And he's better than ever!


PART 2!!!

HYDE:

_Okay, we're back. We have enough film to remake the four-hour "Les Miserables" movie five times. Hope Warner Brothers doesn't mind me taking a few_

_rolls of film._ *pulls back curtain to reveal hundreds of boxes of film. He takes a roll of film out of one of the boxes* _Casablanca? Who needs this crap_

when you have me? We're taping over this one next. And now for the opening number. It's a special duet with my favorite lady, Lucy Harris. We did find

_her. _* Lucy appears on the screen. Hyde begins to drool*

**LUCY: __**

_I really don't know how I got talked into this, and Hyde, STAY OVER THERE. You remember the restraining order, right?_

**HYDE:**

Yeah, yeah, whatever. Now come sit on Uncle Hydie's lap.

**LUCY**:

_Umm,_* Jekyll peeks out from behind the curtain and gives her a thumbs up* _oh…alright. But keep your dirty paws to yourself you animal._

**HYDE**:

_Arr-rr-rr-rr-rr-rr-rr, feisty!_

**LUCY**: 

_Jekyll! I thought you said he changed!_ *Jekyll disappears behind the curtain* _Lets just get this over with. _

**Jolly 'oliday (Mary Poppins)**

**LUCY**: 

Ain't it a 'orrible night? 

God, Hyde's lookin' a fright! 

I feel like I could die!

**HYDE**:__

_I thought this was supposed to be a song on how she liked me! _

**LUCY**: 

_FINE!_

'Ave you ever seen his purple coat? 

Or him slit a throat? *gives Hyde evil glare*

Oh, it's a jolly 'oliday with Ed Hyde. 

Ed Hyde can make you ignite! 

I would die before I'd become his bride!

**HYDE**:

_Hey!_

**LUCY**: 

Eddie makes the fire burn bright! 

Oh, 'e smells of gin and whiskey and of rum! 

The bartenders are frightened at the pub 

For when Eddie comes around 

The voices sound "Oh no Eddies makin' 'is daily round!"

Oh, it's a jolly 'oliday with Eddie! 

No wonder that it's Eddie that we hate!

**HYDE:**

_My turn! My turn! _

Now then what'd be nice 

A simple word of advice 

On how to get a chick

**JEKKIES: **(dressed as penguins)

Our advice would be 

To kiss Lucy.

**LUCY: **

Please don't make me sick!

**HYDE:**

Oh its a jolly 'oliday with Lucy. 

Chickiboos like you are few. 

Even though with me you may not a agree 

You and me could go "WooHoo"

**LUCY:**

_What the hell is that supposed to mean?! _

**HYDE:**

I always think of taking the advantage 

Especially when Lucy is so near! 

A lady needn't fear when I am here

** **

**LUCY:**

Your cruel brutality is crystal clear 

Oh, its a jolly 'oliday with you, Hyde. 

No wonder that it's you that we hate!

**HYDE:__**

_Wasn't that completely marvelous Miss Lucy._

**LUCY: __**

_Okay, enough of this. I'm outta 'ere._

**HYDE:__**

*makes phone gesture*_ Call me!_

**LUCY: **

*sarcastically* _Yeah. Okay._

**HYDE: __**

_I think she likes me. Now, another song by…_

**JEKYLL:__**

_You promised Emma could have a song!_

** **

**HYDE:**__

_WHAT!!_

** **

**JEKYLL:**__

_Yeah, the other night I asked and you said yes!_

** **

**HYDE:**__

_God, the things I say when I'm drunk. Fine, fine. Emma can sing her song._

**EMMA:__**

_Oh thank you!_

**Kiss The Hyde (Kiss The Girl-Little Mermaid)**

**EMMA:**

There I see him 

Standin' there across the lab 

He don't got a lot to say 

But there's something about him 

And I don't know why 

But I'm dyin' to try 

I wanna kiss the Hyde 

**JEKYLL:**

*off screen* _WHAT!_

** **

**HYDE:**

*restraining him* _Let the girl finish!_

** **

**EMMA:**

Yes I want him 

Lookin' at him I know I do 

Possible he wants me too 

There's one way to ask him 

It don't take a word 

Not a single word 

Go on and kiss the Hyde

Sha la la la la la 

My oh Hyde 

Look like I'm much to shy 

Not gonna kiss the Hyde 

Sha la la la la la 

It is sad; it is a shame too bad 

I'm gonna miss my Hyde.

*during instrumental Emma grabs Hyde from backstage. She has also brought out a chair. She sets Hyde on the chair and sits on his lap*

Now's my moment 

Sittin' here upon his lap 

Boy, I'd better do it soon 

No time will be better 

He won't say a word 

Not a single word 

While I kiss my Hyde *Hyde gives an evil, mischievous grin* 

Sha la la la la la 

I'm quite scared 

But I've got the mood prepared 

Gotta kiss the Hyde 

Sha la la la la la 

Can't stop now 

Can't try to hide it now 

I wanna kiss the Hyde *Emma starts looking a little unsure of herself*

Sha la la la la la 

I could be wrong 

But listen to the song 

The song say kiss the Hyde 

Sha la la la la la 

I'm thinking no way 

But the music say 

I gotta kiss the Hyde

I've gotta kiss the Hyde *Hyde leans in closer to Emma with each kiss the Hyde line*

I wanna kiss the Hyde

**JEKYLL:**

*peeking out from curtains* Emma don't kiss the Hyde 

**EMMA:**

Go on and kiss the Hyde 

*Emma and Hyde are about to kiss when Emma pulls away*

_Maybe not._ *Emma starts to get up but Hyde pulls her down*

**HYDE:**

_Oh no you don't!_ *Hyde forces a long passionate kiss on to Emma*

**JEKYLL:**

_Hey!_ *grabs Hyde's cane which he dropped and runs over to Hyde* _Stop it!_ *taps Hyde on the shoulder with the cane* _Stop it now! Why isn't this cane_

_working? Hyde beats people up with it all the time._

**HYDE:**

*pulls away from the kiss* _Damn it Jekyll, you're not gonna get anywhere by tapping me! _*Jekyll picks up Emma and carries her off stage* _Well, anyway, on to_

_the next song. This piece is about one of my favorite things, my hair! _

** **

**I Love My Hair (Be Prepared-The Lion King)**

**HYDE:**

I know that your hair isn't pretty 

At least it's not as pretty as mine 

So here's the main point of my ditty: 

My hair is so perfectly fine 

It's clear from your vacant expressions 

You don't get the point of my song 

You know my successful profession 

So, listen up or I'll do you wrong 

So prepare for my hair it's a beauty 

Be prepared for sensational news 

My hair in its fashion, will be a new passion

**JEKKIES: **

Can we have it to?

**HYDE:**

Shut up, I'm not through!

I know it sounds sordid- 

**JEKKIE #1: __**

_Wait! What does sordid mean? _

**HYDE: **

_What? _

**JEKKIE #1:__**

_Sordid. You said it sounds sordid. What does sordid mean?_

** **

**HYDE:** __

_Dirty. As in, my hands will be sordid...with your blood!!!!! _

** **

**JEKKIE #1:**

*trembling* _Uh....okay. On with the song! _

**HYDE: **

I know it sounds SORDID 

but you'll be rewarded- 

** **

**JEKKIE #2:** __

_Hold up, what will we be rewarded with?_

**HYDE: **

*growls* _With a dog treat. _*points cane at Jekkie #2_* Why? _

**JEKKIE #2: **

*timidly* _Just.... wondering. Continue. _

**HYDE: **

I know it sounds sordid 

But you'll be rewarded 

When at last you get the point of my song 

And so please do listen with care 

I LOVE MY HAIR 

** **

**JEKKIE #3:**

_Yeah, he loves his hair!_ *heh heh*

_WE'LL love his hair....Why? _

** **

**HYDE:**

_Unless you want to die!_

** **

**JEKKIE #3:**

_Why, am I sick? _

** **

**HYDE:**

*pulls out his knife* _No fool, I'm gonna kill you! And the rest of you too!_

** **

**JEKKIE #1: **__

_Hey big deal, who needs a life?!_

**JEKKIES #1 & #3: __**

_No life! No life! La la la la la la!!! _

**HYDE: __**

_Idiots! There will be some life!_

** **

**JEKKIE #3:__**

_Hey, but you said-_

**HYDE: __**

_I will feel alive! Love my hair, and you will never die again!_

**JEKKIE #1: __**

_Did that make no sense to anyone else?_

**JEKKIE #3: __**

_Does this song even make sense?_

**HYDE: __**

_SHUT UP!! _

**JEKKIE #1:__**

_Um...yay!!!!!_

** **

**JEKKIE #3:**__

_Yeah, alright!! _

**JEKKIE #2:**

_All right!_ *waves arms* _We love Hyde's hair!!_

**JEKKIES: __**

_We love Hyde's hair!!_

Its great that Hyde's hair is amazing 

With a bit of hair spray and gel 

**HYDE: **

Of course my hair is blazing 

No, not like that bishop in hell 

I mean its so radiant and charming 

And not a tiny bit less 

Although this may sound alarming 

My hair is really quite a mess 

I tell you right now the chicks dig it 

That's why they come 'round night and day 

A bunch of sweet whores 

Come knock on my doors 

To do something dirty 

It takes about thirty.... _Wait, I meant _

They're all really flirty..._Oh, that doesn't sound good either._

I'll do the one named Birdie..._That sounds even worse._

They're really quite nerdy..._No, that makes me sound stupid_. 

The bed must be sturdy..._Uh, that sounds...bad. Oh, I give up._

My hair will be styled, incredibly wild, 

And seen for the wonder it is 

Yes, my comb and styling gel are bared! 

I LOVE MY HAIR! 

**JEKKIES: **

Yes, his comb and styling gel are bared! 

HE LOVES HIS HAIR! 

** **

**HYDE & JEKKIES:**

*insane giggles*

**HYDE:**

_Now wasn't that just a showstopper?_ *Jekkies start walking off stage* _Where the hell do you think you're all going? You have the next freakin' song!!_

** **

**The Hyde Necessities (The Bare Necessities-The Jungle Book)**

**JEKKIES:**

Look for the Hyde necessities 

The simple Hyde necessities 

I'd worry 'bout your jewelry and your wife 

I mean the Hyde necessities 

Or HJ7 recipes 

That bring the Hyde necessities to life

Wherever he wanders 

Wherever he roams 

He always sends people 

To funeral homes 

Hyde is comin' from the lab 

We all wonder who he's gonna stab 

The Hyde necessities of life will come to you!

**HYDE:__**

_All right, now you can all get your asses off stage. My song now!! But first-_

**CENSORS:**

_Hold it! _

**CENSOR #1:__**

_Hello! We're your friendly neighborhood censors!_

**CENSOR #2:__**

_After requests from several parents, we're here to censor this show._

**HYDE:__**

_Oh, he**!_

**CENSOR #1:__**

_Ah! Ah! Watch the language!_

**HYDE:__**

_Get off of my show!!_ *the censors climb into their booth that is heavily armed with barbed wire* 

**CENSOR #2:__**

_They'll be no getting us in here! Now, feel free to go on with the show._

**CENSOR #1:__**

_Now when you see the red blinking light up there, stop what you're singing, because you're being censored out._

**Under Lucy (Under the Sea-The Little Mermaid)**

**HYDE:**

Under Lucy 

Under Lucy 

Darling, its better 

Down where *** ******

**** ** **** ** 

** ** *** ***** **** **** **** ***

*** ** *** *** **** ***** ****

**CENSOR #2:__**

_STOP!!!!!!! What are you doing? Remember the blinking light?_

**HYDE:__**

_Yeah, what about it?_

** **

**CENSOR #2:**__

_It was flashing! That means you're supposed to stop! Lets try this again._

**Pay the Whores (Feed the Birds-Mary Poppins)**

** **

**HYDE:**

Pay the whores 

Tuppence a time 

Tuppence, tuppence, 

Tuppence a time 

**** *** ****** ***** **** *** ******

***** ******** *** ***** **** *** *****

** **

**CENSORS:**__

_STOP! STOP! STOP! You did it again! We'll give you one more try!_

**Heigh-Ho (Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs)**

**HYDE:**

*sings with a big cheesy grin*

Heigh-ho 

Heigh-ho 

To make your troubles go 

Just keep on singing all day long 

Heigh-ho 

Heigh-ho Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho,

*the grin turns into a smirk*

Heeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh-whore!! 

For if your feeling low 

You positively can't go wrong with a whore 

*****-** *****-** 

**CENSOR #1:__**

_Stop! Okay, just for our sanity, what other songs do you plan on singing?_

**HYDE:__**

_Hmmm... lets see. There's "Once Upon a Whore", "Second Whore to the Right", "A Whole New Whore", "Tonight My Whore Will Come", "I'll Make a_

_Whore Out of You", "Lets Go Screw a Whore", "Whistle While You Work", "She's a Whore"-_

**CENSOR #2:__**

_Wait. "Whistle While You Work" doesn't sound to bad. Why don't you do that one?_

**Whistle While You Work (Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs)**

** **

**HYDE:** __

_Okay girls, come on out!_ *a group of whores walk in*

** **

**WHORES:**

Whistle while you work! 

*whistles*

Put on that grin and start right in 

To whistle loud and long 

Hum a merry song 

*hums*

Just do your best then take a rest- 

**CENSOR #1:__**

_THAT'S IT!!!! THIS SHOW IS CANCELED!!!_

**HYDE:__**

_Hurry Jekkies! Get in one more song before they shut us off!_ *Jekkies run on stage*

# Edward Hyde Alma Mater

**JEKKIES & WHORES:**

Come along and sing our song and join our family. 

E-D-W-A-R-D H-Y-D-E! 

Through the years we'll all be friends wherever we may be. 

E-D-W-A-R-D H-Y-D-E! 

Edward Hyde! 

Edward Hyde! 

Forever let us hold our canes high! 

Now its time to say good-bye to all our company 

E-D-W 

**HYDE: __**

_W?! What the hell kinda letter is W?!_

** **

**JEKKIES & WHORES:**

A-R-D

**HYDE: __**

_Didn't we just go through this with W?!_

**JEKKIES & WHORES: **

H-Y-D-E

**HYDE: __**

_What the hell is up with this?! I can't make any frickin' sentences with any letters in frickin' name?! **ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!**_

** **

***Screen Goes Blank***


End file.
